How seriously do you think that news websites take choosing their ads?
Yesterday- I got a news notification about a shooting that happened on UNC-Charlotte's campus. I wasn't in any way directly involved, but for some reason it hit me harder than any other shooting news I've heard. As someone who is an advocate for more gun control, I am always disheartened by hearing about the continued violence that falls upon our world, and specifically our country, a violence I feel as if I have absolutely no control over, but something about this news notification felt different. I was walking to my car to go get $5 tacos before going to trivia with my friends, a normal Tuesday tradition, when I saw the notification. "CNN: Active Shooter at UNC Charlotte: 2 dead, 4 injured." I could feel the air being knocked out of me, like that feeling when you hit the ground too hard and too fast after a fall, but also in a strangely slow way. It felt like all of a sudden I was moving in slow motion, and that the thoughts that were in my brain trumped anything in my immediate environment, sending me into an immediate fog. On autopilot, I got into the car and began driving towards Mamacita's for Taco Tuesday, but multiple times while driving I had to remind myself that I was driving a car because my thoughts were what was in the forefront of my mind, and also the further deepening foggy feeling that seemed to continue encompassing my brain, my eyes, and even my hearing. UNCC is just so close. I know people who go to UNCC. My roommate just transferred from there. It happened in a library? My girlfriend was studying in a library at Appalachian just yesterday. I bet my sister has been studying in a library this week at UNC Chapel Hill. It's finals, so many people are in the library right now all over the place right now. I used to study in a library. I was very recently a college student in North Carolina. That situation could have happened to me. That situation could have happened to someone I love and care about deeply. Although I wasn't directly involved, these were the masses of thoughts moving through my head as I attempted to continue my night like normal. I could feel tears welling up a couple of times while driving down Broadway Street as these thoughts came to surface and then asking why is this particular situation is impacting me so much compared to other awful horrible news I hear on a daily basis. I already, like many others I'm sure, have a heightened anxiety about being involved in a situation like this in a general public place. It's an unfortunate fear that I'm sure is continuing to increase in generations that grow up surrounded by the safety precautions now necessary everywhere you go. I could feel my heart rate increasing, but also feeling like I was hyper-aware of every time my heart beat, really feeling how alive I was right then. I found a spot to park outside Mamacita's and tried to take a deep breath, I kept thinking I feel like I shouldn't just keep going about my day like nothing happened. But yet, I did. I got out of my car in my strange fog and ordered tacos, just like normal. But I could feel that I was in a daze, while also being clearly aware of my surroundings. People were smiling and talking, eating their tacos, going on with their normal lives, even though these students at UNCC, giving final presentations in a classroom in a library, had their lives taken away from them. I got back to my car, tacos in hand, and glanced back down at my phone. Many more notifications had popped up. I opened up one of them which had a video update, and this is when a happy-go-lucky mattress advertisement played, with a bit of a jingle to it. I was so mad at that advertisement. I felt like it disrespected the issue, disrespected the individuals involved, and I can't even imagine being someone who is directly connected to the incident, the parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, checking the news to get information about their loved ones, being forced to sit through that disgustingly happy mattress advertisement to figure out what the new death toll may be. I wonder how much news websites think about their advertisements. I lost it. I called my mom like any person losing it might do and she helped to calm me down. She convinced me going to trivia and being around my friends would help me to feel better, but I was still in such a strange place. For some reason, this particular instance at UNCC made me see myself and those I love in the shoes of all of those who have lost their lives to gun violence. And now I know, each and every time I get a news notification about a shooting incident, whether in the next state, across the country, or on the other side of the world, someone is reading that and going into a daze. Even if not directly involved, they may be thinking That could have been me or, That could have been my child, or That could have been my friend who takes yoga classes, or That could have been my aunt who goes to that church. I saw an old friend from high school who attends UNCC post on her Facebook account, "You don't think it will be your school, until it is..." I went to trivia. I ate my tacos. We came in last place. I felt a little off. I suddenly felt the weight of the "that could have been..." and felt like I couldn't just sit and do nothing about it. But the conundrum comes from, what do you do about it? I mean- what can you really do to stop a stranger that you have no connection with from randomly deciding to shoot people? Nothing really- which is the hardest part for me. Sure there are ways to advocate for gun control, there are plenty of organizations and groups you can support, but in that actual moment, when someone walks into a room and opens fire, there's nothing you can do to stop the following events from unfolding. I am a genuine control-freak, and when things are out of my control, anxiety creeps in and tells me I can't just sit and do nothing about it, but sometimes the world puts me in my place and says you just can't do anything about it. So, to cope with this feeling, I texted and called the people I loved, the people who I knew I was thinking about in the "That could have been..." scenarios, and I told them I loved them. I think telling people they are loved is so important. I grew up with a mom who many times told me that growing up she doubted if she was ever loved, and she never wanted that for me, so she told me all the time that she loved me. And now that I've picked that up, I've realized I personally do it for a couple of reasons; so that people never doubt that they are loved, so that they feel that love, and because the world is so crazy and unfortunately, sometimes I worry when will be the next time I get to tell them I love them. But we should tell more than just the people in our most immediate circles that we love them. We should always strive to show love to all the people we encounter, and sometimes even the people we feel as though we hate. Now I don't know much about the shooter involved in the situation at UNCC, but we've seen that often people involved in these types of things are individuals who were pushed to the fringes, maybe an outcast in one or more ways. And while it can be really easy, and rightfully so, to hate these people, showing them kindness and love can go farther than we may realize. This isn't to say that every person who chooses to enact violence in this way can just be loved out of their hate, but in my opinion, putting a little more love into the world never hurt anyone, and that's what I can do, and what you can do, and what UNCC will need to move past their horrible reality that became a news notification. #UNCCStrong
0 Comments
|